For every commercial like this
There are about 12 like this
I find the above Old Spice commercial funny and brilliant for a variety of reasons...the major one is that it doesn't, for a second rely on egregious targeting methods that render it bafoonery. In fact the actor does such a brilliant job that the fact that he is African American has little to do with the intentions of the commercial. It is this color blind use of their pitch man that makes this commercial even funnier as it somehow plays into the random nature of the skit. Old Spice, in my opinion, has really stepped up their publicity and advertising to the point where their sense of humor contributes to the brand.
McDonald's on the other hand actively tries to be as degenerative as possible. My question is why do they always resort to this song and dance. I guess these two were free as they are the same actors who were in the "Mc lovin" commercial that I thought was a little more offensive than the one above.
Contributing to intellectual liberty and prosperity one article and one laugh at a time.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I Couldn't Agree More: The Blunder in Remaking We Are The World
I was fully prepared to hate the 2010 update of “We Are The World” based solely on who I knew would be included. But as the premiere date drew near, I found myself at least attempting to put “the cause” above my dislike for some of the artists. My initial instinct was not only correct, it was far too generous. The new “We Are The World” is a piece of shit, and if their goal is to encourage people to give then I’d would donate any amount of money not to hear this shit again ever.
In the intro Jamie Foxx goes “Twenty-five years ago Quincy Jones gathered an amazing group of artists and musicians to create We Are The World.” Cut to today, and the updated recording includes a rap verse. Akon, Lil’ Wayne and T-Pain all have parts, in auto-tune of course. Fergie’s on it. Jamie Foxx does a Ray Charles impersonation. Justin Bieber kicks off the track. Wyclef screams multiple times! It’s terrible. Even Jennifer Hudson, Pink and Michael Jackson’s original vocals couldn’t dignify this trash.
And you know what? Fuck you if you’re on some “this is about Haiti” shit, because let me tell you something, just because it’s for a good cause or has a message or an honorable purpose and intent does NOT inoculate it from criticism. It is still a product and it will be appraised as such.
This is just another case of celebrity cheerleading. It’s disgusting, Haiti deserves better, and I’m glad Beyonce did the right thing by sitting this one out.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Two Minute Review: Surrogates SurroSUCKS!!!
I swear I was just talking about films that are outdone by their ambition...so lets just add "Surrogates" to the mix. Strong premise, ridiculous acting, plotting and creative direction with holes so big in the plot....you can stick an Avatar through them. This movie is entertaining for exactly 25 minutes before your mind goes....."this is one shitty movie". The only thing I could really appreciate about it is that it seemed to exist as a big budget gimmick to make Bruce Willis appear younger on screen.
This movie squanders it all. Imagine a world where everyone operated avatars of themselves and experienced reality through them. No disease, no sickness, no crime really, and no discrimination as the "surrogates" allow you to be anyone you want. They could have just taken this tidbit and gone in a million different directions. But no, we get a rehash of some Perry Mason mystery where someone has found a weapon to not only kill the surrogates but their human hosts too. Look, there is all sorts of mumbo jumbo about human connection and blah blah blah with Bruce Willis and Boris Kodjoe looking all stupid and confused. Until this thing just nosedives into some hoopla that threatens to destroy the human race. Save your neurons and politely leave this one on the shelf!!!
What the Fuck is a Mac Snack Wrap!!!!
What you see:
What you get:
ohh...I can feel my stomach bubbling just looking at these photos. Well I don't know why I was compelled to write about this or why this particular item makes me so angry - I know...maybe if the FDA did their damn job, then people's mouths and eyes wouldn't be subjected to such vulgarity. I would like to know....who in the fuck thought of this. No really.....I mean, I have had way way way too many big macs in my time here on earth, but I can guarantee you one thing....I have never ever thought to myself....hmm...you know what this mystery meat and shriveled up lettuce, two slices of pickle, and thousand island dressing is missing....you know what would really really set it off....a flour tortilla. For real!!! McDonald's think they are slick.....recycling shat out Big Macs from their toilets and wrapping them in a tortilla.
And then there is the price point......and then you think....damn....is the bread really that much more expensive than the flour tortilla. The BREAD is the best damn part of the damn big mac....cause its soaks up the sludge from the mystery meat and distributes the perfect amount of "special sauce" around the burger. I'm just glad i included a picture of what it really looks like cause you know anything wrapped in a tortilla coming from McDonald's means a free for all in consumer quality and taste. Iiiiiis that really meat in the second picture.....it kinds looks like a seahorse......or a dirty sponge...and notice how you can't really identify any of the other parts of the wrap...do I see carrots. What shape is that meat anyhow. Looks!!! This shit looks almost....and I mean almost as disgusting as the Mc Rib....and you see that piece of shit gets to repeat its offenses.
McDonald's, its not like you really care about fattening up the 10 billion people you serve every day, but now this has to count as attempted murder. As your meat is the last thing folks want staring at them front and center. I still would like to know what lab technician decided that this would be appropriate for consumption for any creature aside from llamas...but until then, be warned. For if you are curious enough to actually consume this turdliscious monstrosity, then get ready, get comfortable on your porcelain throne, and get ready for a McDonald's rep to come through to collect and pass on, paying it forward to create the next chapter in their progressive menu of delights.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
My Love Letter to "Avatar" and How It Will Ruin the Movie Business
This movie is seriously Ammmaaaazzzinnnggg and I'm saying that now after seeing it twice. Both times in 3D, the second time in Imax 3D (a bigger screen really makes a huge difference..lol) and what I walked away with both times was an appreciation for the art and vision that appears on screen (not necessarily the special effects). In fact, upon second viewing, I really assumed that my mind would forgo the "ohh and ahhs" about the photo realistic CG work at hand. In essence it did, but this time I was looking closer for the flaws and honestly, there isn't a single second of this movie that takes you out of the fantasy. There isn't a single second of it that is flawed and that is to James Cameron's credit.
For any lover of film, you know that 9 times out of 10 a directors ambition gets the best of their intentions. Say, "Van Helsing" for instance "District 9" which I detest but everyone seems to love and the recent "Daybreakers" where the premise is bounty less, but the execution renders it a heaping piece of horse shit. Avatar on the other hand, promises and delivers on a premise that seems impossible to visually conceptualize. I would say until Avatar, the closest we have seen to the seamless transition of people and essentially animation is "300" or "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" (j/k) where the movie took on an avant-garde style that lent itself to the treatment. Well Avatar blows anything you have seen out of the water and it is hands down the best use of 3D I have ever seen in a movie. No gimmicks, no arrows or bullets flying out at you....the choices with the 3D are well thought out and add a texture to the film that renders it organic instead of forced. It is the use of 3D that draws you into the experience and makes you feel as if Pandora is home. Watching for the second time, I tried to imagine sitting through "Avatar" in 2d format and I have to say that I think I would enjoy it just as much.
Much has been made about the familiarity of the story and yes, I would have to agree with a lot of the talking points, but what is novel about THIS particular story is how it comes by way of the full force of Hollywood. Its not typical to go into a big blockbuster movie (the most expensive in fact) and expect to receive a timely message about war, colonialism, xenophobia, and greed at the expense of natural resources and the indigenous. But all it takes it a flip through Newsweek or Time and you can't help but notice the obvious metaphorical markers for the war in Iraq, the Congo, actually most civil rights issues in Africa, the Amazon and any other third world region in the world who is at a risk of being overthrown by western ideology of corporatism. On a more intimate level, its also the story of feeling stifled or crippled as main character "Jake Sully" does until he finds a purpose that allows him to soar for lack of a better phrase into the man that he so deems. That may or may not be a story thread that many identify with. But I was engulf in the subtle changes "Jake Sully's" character undergoes as he ultimately learns the true nature and therefore meaning behind his "alternate reality." Jake finds new life in his new adventure, and that is something that we can all identify with.
Avatar is soo good, that I fear that it will spark the heavy handed use of CG in film as a rule instead of an exception. As well, there has been a lot of talk about making every movie 3D which I feared long before "Avatar" made its debut. But now, I can see the gimmick....I mean tool being use on anything and everything....soon we will be seeing Jennifer Aniston in 3D. As well, this isn't the last time we see such incarnations. Although there have been talks of a sequel (which I think will ruin Hollywood in its own way) - there really isn't any use for one as I am sure we will see similar renderings from this point on til kingdom come and since the formula was wildly successfull. Get ready to see this heavy handed emphasis on special effects explode. Which is a shame because for all the technical snafu that went into making "Avatar" the whole ordeal remains organic in that it doesn't try to hardwire a soul into the mix. Cameron took great pains to capture all elements of his performers so that his vision could be as real as possible or rather authentic. Frankly, the law of diminishing returns dictates that those who come after and who can afford such technology, won't be so careful.
Really what I imagine now is that every movie will look like "The Polar Express" and since the technology lends itself to manipulating performances, I am sure that we will see such great legends as "James Dean" and "Marilyn Monroe" star in pictures aside Miley Cirus and Zac Ephron. What a sad concept that will ultimately be the death of Hollywood. What a great movie to cheer on the destruction of it all.
Kathryn Bigelow's "Strange Days"
With mention of Kathryn Bigelow possibly snabbing oscar gold with "The Hurt Locker" (a movie I still have not seen), my attention was turned to one of Bigelow's earlier masterpieces "Strange Days". "Strange Days" is a movie that has stuck with me for over ten years now not because it was such an earth shattering premise or because of the films technical achievements (there aren't many) but by the sheer audacity of storytelling. Released in 1995, "Strange" is a precursor to techno-geek cinema metaphysm ushered in by the likes of "The Matrix" and "Existenz" where reality and fantasy seamlessly blend.
At the time, the film went wholly unnoticed, but Angela Bassets firestorm performance in the film is something that demands to be seen. This is definitely a movie I need to place back on the cue and check out again very soon. With ten years into the new decade already, its ominous to see how cinema interpreted the new millennium. And "Strange Days" does just that. I will leave it to you to find the plot synopsis, but this film is one to be experienced.
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