"Not Easily Broken" is going to be my new mantra.....its really the first thing I should shout to the universe when I wake up because I find that the phrase to be empowering when I feel most down, enlightening when I feel most lost. forgive me, I really struggled not to get so personal on Sanspiracy until I realized that I don't really feel like I have anyone to talk about such things (or anyone I perceive who would listen and understand from experience) so surprise surprise when an impromptu trip to Blockbuster with the Mrs. led to a half hearted rental in "Not Easily Broken" which ended up being a movie that both revived my love for cinema and deeply touch my spirit with its keen introspect on humanity and relationships.
Not Easily Broken is a story that centers around a married couple, Dave Johnson and Clarice Clark, and the societal pressures that threatened to tear their bond apart. However, it can also be viewed as a thesis in how not to abandon yourself in times of controversy and strife. Really, the movie touches on so many issues such as fatherhood, manhood, what it means to be a good father and a good man, fidelity, trust, patience, understanding, that it sort of plays like a visual marker to some of the thoughts and ideas presented on this blog. Needless to say that it was the first time that I actually saw myself presented on screen through film and it couldn't have come at a more apt time.
I guess my mind has been going through some things for a while now, because I feel that my world is always changing. That is not really in my control, that whenever i get my footing.....some other bullshit gets thrown my way that totally throws me for a loop. I get deathly tired of jumping through hoops and being the "understanding one" And like Dave Johnson's character....I usually resort to humbleness and my inner strength or search for some type of understanding to get me through and out. However, being human, this gets very difficult at times and I either shut down, completely closing myself off from the world, or I lash out. In the case of "Not Easily Broken" Dave escapes into a world of music (haha......I really should sue) when he feels like his hands are tied and he has becomes a spectator to his life. That I definitely understand.
But Dave, like myself is not easily broken so he pushes on and preservers. I was so touched by this film and how honestly it portrayed real life, that I went out and bought the DVD, then watched "the making of" which was even more fascinating in that T.D. Jakes describes how we as humans are not taught how to survive anymore. And really live. That we are so quick to give up and thrown in the towel, that we don't understand what message this is sending to future generations and most importantly the fears it reveals about ourselves. Bill Duke, the film director, made an excellent observation when he said that men carry the sword and slay the dragon (or are supposed to) but find difficulty in expressing our vulnerability (how tired we become of this ritual and our fears and doubts) to each other and especially our significant others. I remember years ago being told "Never let them see you sweat" - this is one of my mantras that has probably worked to my benefit and detriment in that because of this I always have my poker face on. Because of this, its impossible for me to show my vulnerability...and admittedly...sometimes this threatens to eat me alive and swallow me whole.
Cryptically, all this gets exposed in my blog entries, but what "Not Easly Broken" conveyed to me was the fact that I am not as alien as I would like to believe. That there are other men, maybe not in real life, but def on film (haha), that walk this walk and strive to be the best men they can be without having to gallivant or grandstand the point to death. We are who we are because we require it of ourselves, not because the world requires it of us. In fact, the world doesn't even require it from us, which makes this motivation to be all the more groundbreaking.
We get dumped on, we are used as punching bags, but we are still standing. We get lonely, and sometimes we feel that there is no one really who takes care of us. but the tide comes around and every feeling and mindset is only for a season. Sometimes its all a test...a test I get deathly sick of taking....but I know I will prevail the better man for doing so.
"So sometimes life turns you upside down so that you can live it right side up." This is, amongst many, one of the lines in the film that I walked away repeating in my head for I understood that a clear message was being sent my way. That sometimes you have to give up control in order to receive your blessing. That sometimes this relinquishing of control is all a part of cleansing. And that in order to get through it a new being, you must walk through the flames. Right now, I just feel like I'm tired of it all....or just tired in general of being rational. But God instilled in me the spirit of resilience and lets me know all the time that I need to just breath, take it easy, take it all in and trust in him. For he wouldn't have made me the way I am if he thought I would or could break so easily.
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