Warning - this post comes via an emotionally embattled/bruised psyche. The opinions expressed here are a representation of frustrated vulgarity and do not reflect or impede upon sound mind and judgment.
Oh world, oh universe, we have so much to discuss. For lately, I wake up each morning not with a sense of ease, but with a sense of dread for what the day brings. I know times are tough for everyone, but for some reason I have been appointed as the Manager of the "My life sucks and/or I have so many issues that I can't breathe properly" customer service hotline. Each day I get a new grievance, or er crying - screeching rant that I have to translate into 45 different languages and then ship offshore as to not invade my ironclad serenity with the emotional fireballs of sobbing, yelling, and a generally defeatist mentality.
I guess what makes me perfect for this post is that I made a conscious decision some time ago to not let my issues/baggage get the best of me or those around me. Scratch that, I decided for myself that it was time that I cleaned house and got rid of my issues and baggage in order for me to live my life outside of the guise of a mental/emotional prison sentence. The choice wasn't easy, but I know for a fact I never called up anyone and exploded into a Niagara falls fireworks show. In fact, I don't even really know what that's like cause my poker face is so bankable that I will hold on to being "fine" for the longest time until I am in the comfort and privacy of my own insanity and assure the cracks that they can start showing now.
I know everyone isn't like this and everyone should not be like this. Hey, it works for me, but maybe I'm missing something here. Maybe I have special powers that allow the frequencies in my voice to coalesce into a cool symphonic breeze and heal all mental exhaustion. Maybe me staring at the receiver somehow sends neurons scurrying about and mixing with the residue of wires and cobalt to combat drama. Cause clearly, I'm missing whatever everyone else sees that makes me mentally capable of dealing with my own issue (quietly) and sixteen other peoples.
I know its bad of me to feel like I have no one to really talk to, but it would be even worse of me to make others feel like they couldn't talk to me. So just so we are clear, my issue isn't being the hotline manager as much as folks not taking the time to even figure out if they called the right number. I also take issue with the fact that should I star 69 for similar services, I would get nothing but a busy signal, but that's neither here nor there. Clearly there are times we are called to do certain things that inevitably don't ask for an invitation or take the time to do a QT check and make sure the equipment is up to par, but to this - only Dr. Kings words ring through my ear.
"The Ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy"
In times of challenge and controvery, I don't so much as stand as I am being "worked through" like some other force takes over and just does. Maybe that is what everyone else sees but me. So with that being said.....this is my niagara falls firework show and I hope the only crack you see is one of humanity. For I will keep answering the hotline, staring at the receiver with a gleefully and sarcastically poetic side eye and groan to boot as I take each callers name and assure them that everything will be okay.
Meanwhile in the peace and quiet of my own salvation, in the darkest recesses of my imagination where great roots hold their footing and towering evergreens reside I will sit quietly and meditate for the day that peace befalls upon myself and everyone around me. Maybe instead of an irrational, lifetime scripted, emotionally charged shock and awe session, I will be subject to a discussion or analysis on how one can look past the issue that blind them and see that there own salvation isn't but a walk down the strip and a left turn on the corner. And maybe, just maybe I will be able to better address each caller by not allowing myself to feel somehow like a dump truck.
Until then, I will continue to hate Friday and LA for that matter and the selfish, woe is me, video cameras following me and paparazi and shit mentality this place imposes on its people. For I don't define mature and immature by age or stature, as much as by what you do and do not expect other people to take care of in your life. Cause the last time I checked, we are all grown and nobody is incable of shitting in the pot and whiping their own ass. Everyone deals witht he consequences of their decisions and if you have made bad choices....the onus is on you and no one elses problem to fix. In fact, if people would open their eyes and see the effects their bad choices cause on themselves and those around them, then maybe they will finally get that its not something to be repeated. But I can't crack people over the head and get them to realize this. Well, not as long as people can't say the phrase "crack is wack" and not get the drugless irony of the whole thing.
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